The year of 2015 for me was a year of breakups and boundaries.
The six-and-a-half-year relationship I was in came to a confusing halt right before we put down a deposit on a dream wedding venue in Sedona, Arizona.
“I thought I wanted kids, but I don’t think I actually do.”
These words left me shocked. We had always discussed a family, since a few months into beginning our relationship.
I was left with a choice, to move across the country with him to Seattle from the Midwest where our families were, as planned, and hope he would change his mind as we entered into marriage… or honor my own life goals and desires.
The differences in desires brought the break-up, and simultaneously at this time, I had to leave my job as my health and hormones took a huge toll, causing massive burnout and two week menstrual cycles.
Everything I knew as my foundation came crumbling down, and I felt exhausted and unclear about what my future life would look like.
The Universe truly has divine gifts in the most despairing situations. This crumbling of a structure once built on linear based strategic planning, brought a humbleness to experience life from a new lens, a new perspective as I found comfort in the Red Tent movement through studying ancient feminine arts.
As I consciously stepped onto the path of womb-centered living and surrendered to the Divine Feminine flow, I had to become comfortable with living in the mystery of not knowing. My mind wanted to plan and know the outcome. Yet, my womb taught me to trust the signs and synchronicities, to allow passion to lead my heart and receive the beauty of what gracefully flowed in from the spaciousness of my surrender.
I began to study my monthly cycle, to understand my body and its endocrinology of fluctuating hormones. My OBGYN had diagnosed me with high estrogen and low progesterone (Estrogen Dominance), and high cortisol- and offered synthetic hormones for my body to regulate. I chose the path of studying my body as a scientist would, by eating certain foods to balance my hormones naturally and to heal the emotional energetics of what I stored in my sacral chakra, my womb.
The journey of the living from the womb was journey of peeling back unconscious layers of doubting myself and my decisions, feeling guilty over my food choices, shaming my body and my sexuality, and never thinking I was good enough. I released these emotions each month in a ceremonial release ritual as I began my menstrual bleed, which eventually decreased to three to five days.
From listening to my womb, I learned to trust in the unseen and to trust in letting go. It helped me move through my breakup with strength and it helped me gain clarity to build my online business, travel to chef for retreats, and eventually move across the country where I live in my dream city in Oregon.
Here are my five main lessons I learned from womb-centered living
- I am a cyclical being with a monthly rhythm: my energy, mood, emotions, and sex drive fluctuate throughout the month. I am not meant to show up every day the same in a linear way; I am primordial Divine Feminine energy and my womb holds the energetics of opposites: death and rebirth.
- I am microcosm of Nature. Just as there is a cycle of expansion and contraction of summer into winter, my womb has seasons.
I shed my uterine lining each month (winter), and rebuild it each month (spring). My ovary releases an egg and I am fertile (summer), and then my uterine lining thickens to sustain a pregnancy if conception occurred (autumn).The types of food I now eat fluctuate in harmony with the needs of my hormones. I eat lighter foods that are high in antioxidants: berries, greens, avocados, nuts and seeds in my inner spring and summer months to aid in fertility, and foods with more fat and protein in my inner autumn and winter months to reduce food cravings and prepare to bleed.
- My womb is the cauldron of my creative energy. My ovaries generate sparks of new ideas with the release of 15-20 eggs each month and they manufacture estrogen, a hormone that makes me creative and great at multi-tasking. My womb holds this creative energy and grows the ideas throughout my monthly cycle. When I listen to my inner desires: my artistic passion and then take action- I am able to birth what’s in my inner realms into the physical world. I create my life from listening to my womb. My womb shares with me where to place my attention each month.
- My womb holds lessons from past lover imprinting and any time I shamed my sexuality, doubted my creative ability to birth my dreams, or hid my true self and desires in fear of being judged. Imprinting can occur when I am making choices based on people pleasing. I align with self-respect and self-love to make decisions. I hold releasing ceremonies to release stored fear, guilt, shame, & doubt from my body. I fully occupy my body, mind, and heart with LOVE and clear intentions for all I do.
- As my womb expands and contracts, it holds the energetics of polarities, and teaches me “Yes” vs “No.” Knowing my boundaries comes from a place of love and clarity for my long-term goals and priorities. This helps me live my desires and creative pursuits instead of them getting stifled in an ever-overflowing task-oriented schedule. When I make space for my juicy yes’s, this builds momentum and energy- so I am actually able to accomplish more and give from an overflowing cup.
What have you learned from your womb?
Don’t have a womb? The sacral chakra holds this energy of creativity- death and birth, of cycles. What does this area share with you about your passions? What feels blocked?
To Clear Your Womb From Past Lovers & Trauma, download my free manual.
Allie, Modern Goddess Lifestyle